I Felt The Crash.

It was recently announced that Hedi Slimane will be stepping down as menswear designer at Christian Dior. The decision was reached after the two parties failed to come to an arrangement that would support a second label under the the designers name. Sad sad sad. I guess YvesSaintLaurent really is the shit now. Click here to read more.

Thank You For Calling

They've released the cover art for the new and final Harry Potter book The Deathly Hallows. Spooky. This is the cover for the U.S. adult version, and there are 87 other versions. Someone's hand must be tired. I can say this is the worst cover ever. Total dreck. I may not even read a book with a cover that bad. Actually I don't care about the covers.

Move Over Bacon.

So whoever this David. O. Russel character is that went ape shit on the adorable Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabies (a tortured and dismal movie BTW) is a cosmic douche. And I checked and pretty much all his films besides 3 Kings (which is only kinda good in parts) completely and unapologetically blow. And he's a fem.

Let's Have It.

I'm not sure how I actually feel about brutal honestly. At least from the people I'm ordering food from. My normal taco cart wasn't here when I started to feel a bit peckish this morning so I resorted to McShit. I ordered my usual sausage McMuffin sans sausage, hash brown, and OJ. It was prepared in a snap. I asked for ketchup, and the lady said that she already put it in there.

"You don't have sausage you need something to make it taste good. I put in some Jelly just in case."

What is that Anonymous D says, I'm a magnet or something. Well I am.

I do have to hand it to McShit. They don't cater to the vegetarian, and they make no attempt to. Hell in this instance they aren't even remotely polite. However, I have to say at least this woman had the honesty to admit that the food really doesn't taste good. And I did appreciate the "jelly" What are those egg discs anyways? Are they egg? Egg substitute? Soylent Green?

One place you don't have to worry about that is Purgatory Pizza which continues to get raves in the press. If you haven't tried one of their pies then I suggest you get your crappy pizza-eating ass to downtown LA and order one. I do the phones on Fridays and Saturdays. Occasionally I'll make a delivery, but when I do it costs extra. A lot extra.

Well I'm just fumbling through my days here. The internet boys came to my bungalow yesterday and installed the inter-web. At one point they were looking for the cable line and went into my closet and started fumbling through my chonies and God knows what else. I almost just wanted to slap him, but then I remembered I'm not suppose to get upset when boys rummage through my intimates. It was a momentary lapse.

The kids at work are at each other's type-a throats. I've decided to just lay low and observe. It's possible that they may simply kill each other off or drive one another mad and by a process of natural selection the most ambivalent will survive. Should this happen I would have a lot more time to blog.



I promised an image of the new Jumpman Jeter Vital, and I rarely disappoint. This is prolly not the only color way they come in. The Jordan brand has come under sharp criticism the blog world over for basically having shitty color ways. These drop this Saturday and I shall have them.

Quick bit. Go to ticketmaster for the ticket sale info for the Morrissey tour. The pre-sale password for ticketmaster pre-sales is GREATESTHITS. You are fucking welcome.

Girding My Loins.

They clear out Pershing Square about once a week. Pershing Square is nothing of consequence. It's just where my train drops me off in the morning. It's generally covered with all manner of homeless detritus, but some days, like today, it's completely clean. Tax dollars at work or something like that. Where they take the homeless is beyond me. Some say there is a labor processing facility in Azuza. Some say they are ground up into liverwurst. I've even heard stories of flame throwers and acid down throats. Los Angeles I'm Yours.

Derek Jeter by way of the Jordan mega-brand will be dropping a new shoe on March 31st. I'm yet to see a picture of the shoe, but it's quite irrelevant really. Today even ugly shoes are expensive and coveted. The wholesale democratization of fashion, and the entire played out over exposed Brooklyn scene has certainly impacted fashion in ways that it will never recover from, however, the Jumpman Jeter series has been a consistently understated, and above all, unfussy affair. Once pictures are available I'll post em for yahs.

And in altogether unrelated news: Iran seems to be in the unenviable position of thinking it wise to fuck with Great Britain. Exercising all the hegemony and statism they profess to loathe in the West, and still smarting from the 334 b.c.e. homosexual invasion, Iran struck back at the heart of European decadence by seizing 15 British soldiers in Iraqi waters, and have been detaining them since Friday. Ooh get her. I'm sure it will all be worked out diplomatically, but honestly that is about the only bit of world news I can muster even a small amount of interest in. There's just so many neat things on the telly.

Dog Tag Festival Of Me.

Seattle was delish. Quite literally. From the moment I touched down I started eating and I didn't stop until my flight was boarding. And one small mis-step with nachos notwithstanding, everything was wonderful. Woke up early on Saturday to buy Morrissey tickets that weren't actually on sale. Lame. Got my hair did and poked around some thrift stores. Shopped at some low-end boutiques on Broadway including Urban Outfitters. Went grocery shopping? Watched some BSG with Anonymous D, and made some nachos that probably functioned better as plastic explosive. Hung out at The Canterbury, ordered some nachos, and I don't remember noticing anyone attractive.

Woke up and ate a dutch baby after reading about how Anna Nicole Smith did in fact die of a drug overdose. Went shopping for a NCAA party that ended up not happening. Ate some leftover nachos. Took a bus downtown where I poked around the shops. Tried on some Ann Demeulemeester shirts, but wasn't in love with the cut or the prices. Ouch. I was reasonably impressed with the selection of Comme des Garcons at Barney's, but it's Barney's so they can fuck off. Had wonderful sushi at Aoki, and simply couldn't miss the season finale of BSG. Did you catch it? Can you believe we have to wait til 2008 for the 4th season?

My flight back went off without a hitch, and this shocked no one more than myself. My plane neither disappeared nor was struck by lightning. The people on the plane had no idea how lucky they were. Now I'm back at work and I'm trying to get back up-to-date with all the celebrity gossip. So far the only interesting thing of note is Prince Harry going ape shit on some photographer after getting fall down drunk at some London nightclub. But I'll keep looking.

Divine And Separate.

I did something unthinkable yesterday. Almost unforgivable. I'm not sure if anybody has heard of this place, but it's called Macy's. And I went there yesterday during my lunch hour. I needed a nice messenger bag for my trip to Seattle. I was immediately confronted with a wall of Ben Sherman & Blue Marlin trash that simply wouldn't do. I asked a short, bleached out, big assed sales associate if these were their only messenger bags, and the thoughtless nit replied with not even a scent of remorse, yes. Well, luckily there was a small luggage retailer in the adjoining "mall" and I was able to snag a nice Swiss Army satchel in a sublime lime green. It has slots for my pens.

I only wish the torture ended there. I came into work this morning only to find a doddering paralegal who for the life of her couldn't manage to turn on the lights. The glaringly obvious switch didn't seem to ring a single bell for this tired and lost old soul so I helped. Then she questioned me.

"You're here early."
"Yes."
"Why do you come in so early?"
"So I can leave early."
"When do you leave?"
"You know, I do have actual work to do."
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean -"
"Deal with it."

There are times I wonder why paralegals aren't simply fed to the homeless.



The good folks at highsnobiety, who are never shy about telling you about what putrid and unwearable fug you ought to covet, have broken the news about the new A.P.C. store opening on Melrose. And in their own words they reveal, "Finally LA has access to great, well priced denim and minimalist French fashion."

Well finally! Someone at hypebeast, I mean highsnobiety has let us in on the secret. But I guess it's only a secret if you ignore the countless boutiques scattered around LA that sell A.P.C., and have sold A.P.C. for the past few years, and the countless online retailers, and even their online webstore which I believe you can even access on this blog, and the simple fact that once anyone opens a "flagship store" on Melrose the only people who actually give a shit live in a place called Reseda. Which isn't to say they don't have useful fo on their site. I imagine that when I'm collecting unemployment and beating my wife a lot of the shit highsnobiety writes about may appeal to me. No seriously, they do cover some tight shit, but the majority of it is just low down hood trash so be careful.

And I've finally decided that the recent anti-Clinton youtube campaign has helped me come to a decision about the 2008 election. I will not, under any circumstances, vote for Barrack Obama, and no I don't give a shit how you spell the power bottom's name. I'll vote for a republican in the event he wins the primary. Just to be a bitch. I can understand why the video may rouse such a stir because it is honestly quite clever for the first five minutes, but at the end of the day it is devoid of any content. It says nothing about Mrs. Clinton or her policies. It says even less about Mr. Obama or whether or not he knows what policy means. And if Mr. Obama is willing to stand by such an overly hyped bankrupt message, then that's the only message I need to hear.

God I'm bitter for a Friday. McCain for 2008!!!!!!

Seattle. Off your knees. Here I come.

It's like Los Angeles for WASPs.

OK, so I may have jumped the gun on this whole youtube blog posting thing. The simple fact is there isn't too much of interest on youtube, and everything that is of interest everyone has already seen. But there is still some news in still life.

Morrissey has announced the second leg of his North American tour, and by North America, I mean everything but Canada. It's entirely an east coast affair followed by a tour of the South. The South being that area of the country that for some inexplicable reason we simply didn't let secede. The dates are as follows.

June

Tue 26 BOSTON, MA : Bank of America Pavilion [4,994 cap]
Wed 27 NORTHAMPTON, MA : Pines Theater [2,250]
Fri 29 PHILADELPHIA, PA : Mann Center [4,370]
Sat 30 NEW YORK, NY : MSG [13,098]

July

Mon 2 VIENNA, VA : Wolf Trap [7,028 cap]
Tue 3 BALTIMORE, MD : Rams Head [1,500]
Thur 5 ATLANTIC CITY, NJ : Borgata [2,071]
Fri 6 HOLMDEL, NJ : PNC Bank Arts Center [Pavilion - 6,507]
Mon 9 NORFOLK, VA : The Norva [1,400]
Tue 10 KNOXVILLE, TN : Tennessee Theatre [1,544]
Thur 12 CLEARWATER, FL : Ruth Eckerd Hall [1,997]
Sat 14 BOCA RATON, FL : Mizner Park Amphitheater [3,200]
Sun 15 ORLANDO, FL : Hard Rock Live [2,990]
Tue 17 JACKSONVILLE, FL : Morocco Shrine Auditorium [3,200]
Thur 19 BIRMINGHAM, AL : Alabama Theatre [2,150]
Fri 20 ATLANTA, GA : Chastain Park [6,291]
Sat 21 MYRTLE BEACH, SC : House of Blues [2,067]


I mentioned earlier about the absurdly talented Thom Browne doing a collection for Brooks Brothers. Well now you can actually see the line titled Black Fleece here. I can honestly say I've never purchased anything from a B n' B, but come this fall it looks like I may have to.

I watched We Are Marshall yesterday and I loved it. I can't believe I actually enjoyed a football movie (although Rudy is a masterstroke). I was just taken with this movie, but I have to warn you I cried a lot. I mean a lot. And I'm cool saying stuff like.

Oh, and before I forget. I've been getting a lot of comments about this SI.com article which claims that the Yankees have little shot for a World Series victory this year, and they don't stop there. They predict a Dodgers / Angels World Series. W...T...F...? I don't know who these SI.com people are, but they obviously know next to nothing about baseball. Click here if you have some breakfast you'd like to purge.

Festooned Is An Underused Word.

I seem to be surrounded by spazzes. Everywhere I go there's a spaz. First thing in the morning as I sit down to wait for my train the geriatric satchel carrying spaz I've written about before slams his satchel down on the bench and proceeds to pace on the platform until the train arrives. At one point he may wonder why I'm looking at him as though he were a retarded nymph.

Second, as I get off the train, the chukka wearing, backpack toting, speedwalker that quite naturally has to be the first spaz in the door at Price Waterhouse Cooper zooms past me as quickly as his gray with subtle yellow stripe Merril's will carry him. Upon discovering that the stairs get you where you want to go faster than the elevator, spaz number 2 is simply fit to be tied, and nearly sprains something zooming past me again at the crosswalk.

And quite naturally I get into work and am confronted with my favorite specimen of spaz. The treadwelling troll that pretty much had a nervous breakdown last week after coming in at 2:00 am two days in a row. Today, spaz squared nearly broke a hip getting into work, but it's a good thing he's here since he needed to microwave something that smells like a corpse, and settle into a bootlegged copy of Children of Men. God love em.


So hypebeast, taking a break from casual fug, has posted something that some of you might actually want to wear. Japanese Raw Denim Emporium Self Edge has teamed up with Japanese Raw Denim designer Iron Heart (as seems to be the only fashion these days) to create a raw denim jean that looks slightly different from all the other raw denim jeans littering your closet. You may have noticed that I've added a link to Self Edge's on line shop to the right. If $300 - $400 jeans are in your future then you might as well look there.



And coolhunting via Refinery29 has posted something that even I might be interested in. Running Dogs is a new European design collective boasting such members as Alexander von Slobbe. The clothes look absolutely delish, and their fall line will be featured at Mario's in Seattle. I absolutely loathe Mario's, and their bargain bins of Armani, but I may actually have to step inside that shit hole this August.

I watched 300 yesterday and absolutely loved it! I love historical movies. Movies that make me wanna run out and grab a history book.

Dumber than Paris.

At what point did this bitch think it was a good idea to keep holding that cat. If my cat makes sounds like that I leave the room. But that's just me.

I've just figured out how to post video to my blog so I'm prolly gonna go a little crazy with it for a while.

I Need To Get Out More.

Take The Medium.

I'm not sure if anyone has ever written a book about Covina, California. If not I think someone should. Both Jason and Jeremy Giambi grew up in Covina as did half the members of Motley Crue. And the pivotal scene of Wayne's World was shot on location in Covina. Now it's considered rude to confuse Covina with the larger more southwesterly neighbor West Covina. The two are as distinct as Glendora and Azusa. Covina is the one with the well stocked Ikea parked alongside the exquisite restaurant row. Covina's restaurant row boasts an El Torito, Mariposa Mexican Restaurant, Jonny Carino's, Marie Calender's, and a Hooters featuring a new seafood menu.

Compadre and I were so excited to get out of Ikea where you now have to pay for your shopping bags, and where the profit margins of 25 cent coffee mugs appears to be shrinking. Initially befuddled at the wide assortment of eateries Covina has to offer, we decided to go traditional, and enjoyed the El Torito Sunday brunch. I naturally asked for a menu, but our mouth breathing hostess told us it was trough or nothing. The slow moving and well fed residents of Covina were out in force this Sunday which made navigating the troughs a little tricky. However, once we realized the brunch included complimentary champagne we declined all further invitations to the trough, and enjoyed Mimosa's.

Once in my new flat I was charged with the task of erecting a ginormous loft bed in a relatively small space. However, just after I got most of it put together I discovered a manufacturing defect that prevented me finishing the bed. I was livid. I had a piece of useless metal crap in my apartment roughly the size of a Chevrolet Durango, and had little room for the other schleck, bforgnt, and pino I picked up in Covina. But I managed to pull myself together, and Compadre says he will go over there today with a power drill and see if he can salvage the situation. So many problems can be solved with power tools.

One thing that even enormous power tools can't seem to solve is the war in Iraq, which I just realized after reading today's headlines, has now gone on longer than World War II. But then of course the FDR administration wasn't burdened with the need to constantly reassure the American people and Congress that he wasn't trying to destroy the whole planet. It was a simpler time. A time without Ikea's or Frunk, or Restaurant Rows. They prolly had power tools though.

See Past The Need.

The hot flashes have ceased yet the nightmare of my workplace remains. A coworker of mine was here bright and early. And when I say bright and early I mean he said he couldn't sleep so he decided to come in at 1:30 am. I naturally told him he was a spaz and that I didn't need to hear shit like that. Obviously he didn't understand and he proceeded to grill me as to my St. Patrick's Day plans. He's amazingly coherent for someone who is so obviously deranged.

And there are no cups for my tea.

Angelina Jolie has adopted a Vietnamese baby, however, the real story is that people are still talking about this vacant psychotic troll. She should be studied to be sure, but behind closed doors, and the writing should be subjected to peer review if it is to have any credibility. As for her fuck puppet Brad, he should be released into his natural habitat. Macy's.

Marc Jacobs has always been a detestable joke. And here is even more evidence why.

I move into my new place this weekend, and I'll be going up to Seattle the following weekend. With baseball, Morrissey, and all that, things are gonna get a little hectic round here. There are conflicting reports as to when the tix for the Moz shows go on sale. If I had to put my money on it I would say March 31st. Don't ask why just trust me. There are some exceptions. Like Oakland and Sparks may go on sale earlier. Speaking of Sparks, I may have to go to one of the shows at The Nugget. I hear it's gonna be like dinner theater with tables, and drinks, and divine cloth napkins in puce. I embellish. Tix are $69 for the Sparks show if anyone wants to come with. It could be "the" event of the social calender.

The Boys Are Alright.

Claritin is honest to God the Devil's work. Metaphorically anyway. I thought I might be developing allergies, or that I might be allergic to smog or slow walkers so I took some of this allergy medication. And within a few hours I was coming home from work, stuck in a subway, I had to fight the urge to run screaming from the station "THE CEILING IS ON FIRE!!!!" I've had bad acid trips that were more tranquil.

I guess it's a rare side effect, but it does happen.

It was traumatic to say the least. Now come to think of it I can remember when I was young and I took some allergy medication, and I ended up hiding in a hotel bathroom. Refused to come out I did. I know I should have known better I know, but I'm not as afraid of allergies anymore. Still afraid of slow walkers though.

I was able to listen to a delightful interview with Derek today. It was honestly insightful. He does tend to give the same sound bites from time to time, but it's hardly his fault if these boring nits ask the same question over and over again. This is why they need to let me do the interviews. The link to the wfan page is here, and you can either download or listen to the interview. It's on the left. Your left.

There's also another interview with Derek on youtube. It almost makes me cry. Click here for that.

Is it just me or is Spring Training taking forever!?!?!

The Framework For Demise.

So I feel a little foolish. I slept in. Simply was over the moon after signing the lease on my new flat even though there's an awkward water heater in the kitchen that I didn't remember from before it is only my pied a terre, but I was excited nonetheless, and I seem to have forgot to set my alarm. No bother. I've decided that from now on I'm just going to come and go as I please.

I mean I watch my co-workers all day long. The small disgusting smelly one that is right now as we speak stuffing his gluttonous face with salted crisps watched a bootlegged version of The 300 yesterday, only after watching BSG, and some Korean flick. My other coworker rolled in around 2:45 in the afternoon and then proceeded to haul out her laptop and day trade for the rest of the day, and the mouth breathing sycophant was gone for around 4 hours mid-day. I think it's high time I stopped being a model employee and just woke up to the fact that I'm nothing more than an attorney. A low-down common thieving unethical attorney. That likes baseball and jackets.

Morrissey has announced the first leg of his U.S. Tour. I think it's called North American tour, but for practical purposes he won't be visiting Canada because they club seals. And are rude. And unintelligent. And by and large just racist backwood hicks. But he will be playing such illustrious burbs as Sparks Nevada, and Spokane Washington. Followed by a four date tour of Texas. Take this nice and easy.

April

Fri 27 STOCKTON, CA : Bob Hope Theater [1,896 cap]
Sat 28 SPARKS, NV : John Ascuaga's Celebrity Showroom [700 cap]
Sun 29 SPARKS, NV : John Ascuaga's Celebrity Showroom I went to a wedding reception here!

May

Tue 1 OAKLAND, CA : Paramount Theater [2,840 cap]
Wed 2 SANTA ROSA, CA : Wells Fargo Center [1,482 cap]
Sat 5 SPOKANE, WA: INB Performing Arts Center [2,700]
Sun 6 SEATTLE, WA : Paramount [2,782]
Tue 8 SALT LAKE CITY, UT : E Center Ford Theater [3,500]
Wed 9 DENVER, CO : Fillmore [3,600]
Fri 11 OMAHA, NE : Orpheum [2,586]
Sat 12 MILWAUKEE, WI : Riverside [2,304]
Mon 14 ANN ARBOR, MI : Michigan Theater [1,591]
Tue 15 CHICAGO, IL : Auditorium [3,635]
Thur 17 CLEVELAND, OH : Playhouse Square Center [2,837]
Fri 18 COLUMBUS, OH : Palace Theater [2,705]
Mon 21 INDIANAPOLIS, IN : Murat Center [2,889]
Tue 22 ST LOUIS, MO : The Pageant [2,000]
Wed 23 KANSAS CITY, MO : Uptown Theater [2,200]
Fri 25 DALLAS, TX : Palladium [2,800]
Sat 26 AUSTIN, TX : Backyard [5,000]
Mon 28 HOUSTON, TX : Verizon [2,815]
Wed 30 EL PASO, TX : County Coliseum [3,500]
Thur 31 TUCSON, AZ : Music Hall [2,289]

June

Sat 2 PHOENIX, AZ : Maricopa County Events Center [6,500]
Sun 3 SAN DIEGO, CA : Bayside Concerts [10,000]
Tue 5 VENTURA, CA : Majestic Ventura Theater [1,200]
Wed 6 RIVERSIDE, CA : Riverside Municipal Audit [1,950]
Fri 8 LOS ANGELES, CA : Hollywood Bowl [17,562]
Sat 9 LAS VEGAS, NV : Pearl [2,352]

I have no idea why David over at Morrissey-solo insists on putting down the house capacity. I think it's a penis thing.

Mountain Spring Singularity.

My favorite are the ones that almost get into a full on power walk in order to beat you to Starbucks. If, for instance, they were to have to wait until they made my triple espresso before they could enjoy their double tall non-fat no foam with room what the fuck, it would simply cripple their day in ways we best not mention.

I had the good fortune of running into one of these carbies yesterday. As I was walking up to Starbucks I noticed I was being shadowed by someone. Someone in a beige pant suit. And there was no reason this girl should have been walking this fast. I mean she now needs a new pair of crappy shoes and perhaps a total knee replacement. I wasn't having it. I slowed down even to sorta drive home to her how ridiculous she was being. She sped up. It was a spectacle. I held the door for her before ordering my drink. And even though she ordered a drip (no-nonsense that she is) she made a huge scene at the milk bar, and as she was limping back to our building I was stricken when she didn't hold the door for me. I have no name for people like that.

Some people I do have a name for are called treadwellers. I work with a couple. They ride their bikes into work. Dressed in full spandex regalia. It takes them near an hour to undress, wash and redress. In the pubic bathroom cuz that's just how many shades of fucked up this place actually is. But what gives them their name is their tortured yet confident belief that their disrobing is actually part of their work day. So like as to be a savior to the environment by biking into work should diminish their responsibilities. Which would be a big issue if any of us actually had any responsibilities. And I have no idea where the name comes from I just made it up.

I found a new flat and will be signing the lease tonight after work. I'm sure some people may want to know where this place is, and that information shall be revealed in time through ordinary channels.

I have one more thing to bitch about...


Will the senseless Andy Warhol mono-branding rage ever come to a noiseless death? Apparently not. Graphic designer come fashion maven (as is the fashion) Hysteric Glamour weren't satisfied with a one off colab with some dead artist's images, so they drug up some more, and call it good. This was interesting when Jil and Raf were doing it with Peter Saville's work. Now it just seems to keep going and going and going and going and going, and if you want you can pair it with some Levi x Warhol stuff. And fug shoes. [High Snobiety]

I try to stay engaged.

For Your Pleasure.

Morrissey will be playing at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles on Friday June 8th, and Madison Square Garden in New York City on Saturday June 30th. He will also be playing at the Paramount Theater in Seattle on Sunday May 6. And again that place called Stockton on April 27th. So that's four dates, so I guess that leaves 36 more. [Morrissey-solo]

I don't think I will be able to make the Hollywood Bowl show as I have a friend's graduation that weekend in Seattle. Although I may never get another chance. However, the Seattle show is just a few days before the Yankees/Mariners series so I see no reason why I shouldn't just combine those and turn it into one divine week. And I don't really want to be one of those people that goes to all the Morrissey shows they can just because they can. No thank you.

I think I've finally narrowed down the search for the perfect flat. It's right around the corner from where I'm subletting at the moment, so you can imagine how convenient it's going to be to move my things. I'm still quite lazy. The place is by far the smallest of the places I've looked at, but it's certainly the cutest and most tranquil. I like wanted to move in yesterday. Oh and about yesterday, it was about as hot as anything out there. Muggy and gross. I barely made it back with a Veggie Delite from Subway.

When You're In The Kitchen You're All Alone.

God I'm bored. Bored bored bored bored bored. There are few people who can imagine how boring my days ordinarily are. I've lost Pony. And interesting lunches. The Farmers Market is a low rent bust. I walked down to Rocket Pizza yesterday just past 4th and Broadway. Boring. Saw a nice cafe called Cafe 8, and I appreciated the rhyme, but couldn't eat there since I had a veggie bowl from Yoshinoya. Bored. And can someone tell me what the fuck that translucent stuff is that coats everything they serve is. That shit's not normal. But boring.

Today I think I'm going to hop on a bus to China Town. There's some Grn Apple, Orchard Street, Uppercut, Surface To Air, and possibly maybe some Kim Jones and We Are Superlative Conspiracy gear I need to pick up before I kill something innocent and pure. What do you think?


I think I may like it.

The link to Lion's Den has been there all along.

Umm. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to go to Undefeated Saturday morning and see if they have the brown pair of special New Balance sneakers which are patched together with left over scraps from other shoes. They come in reversible colorways meaning the right shoe is the spectral echo of the left and vice versa. I could live with the blue, but I really really itch for the brown. [Hype Beast]


I nearly forgot that this was (technically) a baseball blog. The simple fact is I've found spring training to be a bit boring. The small spat between Derek and RoRo notwithstanding, it has all just been terribly dim. MLBtv is jipping me by not letting me watch the Yankees' spring training games. It's wretched. But I did manage to scrounge up this cute interview of Derek on youtube. Click here to check it out.

It has been getting terribly warm in Los Angeles which has obviously prompted me to contemplate an exit strategy. Funny how I'm planning my departure before I've even moved into my place down here. Decorators! But I think it's best to spend, at a minimum, July, August, and September up North. I'll have to negotiate this understanding with my employer. I'm sure it will be boring, and be done via email. But those are the terms nonetheless.

I Want Lots Of Jazzy Waistcoats.

This ad has been banned in a lot of places because some people think it simulates gang rape or something. The funny thing is, D&G has already ran many similar looking ads with two guys and sometimes a fluffer. Heterosexuals take their sex way way seriously. Jesus. I hear they don't even have clubs you can go to for it.


Apparently the ground crew dances to YMCA by the Village People during Yankees spring training games. Baseball could me more gay friendly, but at the moment I'm at a loss as to how.


That is not the way RoRo should be wearing his hat. Sometimes I don't even think he wants to be taken seriously as a Yankee.


Roger Clemens paid a visit to the Yankees. He's attractive enough, and he managed 19 starts last year. But I can't help wondering if there isn't somebody else they should be looking at.

I've gotten some static about my new choice of neighborhood. Not from anyone whose been there recently. I have to concede there isn't a Whole Foods, PVC, or Wild Oats to be had so naturally most of my acquaintances are aghast particularly those from West Covina. But I can always pack heat to the Boyle Heights farmers market every Saturday. And by heat I mean condom, cuz based on what I've experienced so far, if you gay and walking around The Heights and you don't get hit on, you probably only have one leg in which case you shouldn't be walking around anyway what with gravity and all. They do have gravity in Boyle Heights I think.

Although I think compadre is buying a car today, and he's going to let me drive it so I guess I can live pretty much anywhere. Even West Covina.

I could buy a car if car salesmen didn't terrify me. The last car I bought was on ebay. It was a Peugeot did you know?

The Computer Says No.

I managed to watch the new Battlestar Galactica last night. Ignoring pronouncements from The Times that it was far and away the best episode ever, and by deduction, possibly the best thing ever filmed. And I have to say it was a jarring experience. Having had a long day I don't think I was prepared for what was going to happen. But my medicine cabinet was. I may already be in all shades of trouble with Compadre for texting him the spoiler. But he doesn't really watch anymore and isn't invested in the characters. Characters of which we seem to have one less of.

I had other things to say, but out of respect for those the Galactica has lost I think I'm just gonna leave it at that for now.

This Is Linda.

God bless the internet! And God bless butter croissants! Sometimes I don't know how I'd get though my day without them. And God bless this show Nip & Tuck which of course I have never watched, but by the grace of Mario Lopez's ass has instantly become interesting to the better 10% of society.

And speaking of that sector of society. I am perilously close to finding the perfect flat here in Los Angeles. I think I've decided on the Boyle Heights area just east of downtown. Charming architecture, stunning views, and some of the hottest Mexicans you have ever. Convenient for both my regular job, and my new part time job at the incomparable Purgatory Pizza. Seriously though, Purgatory Pizza boasts a postage stamp sized delivery area, cash only, no substitutions, and for God's sake no chocolates. But if you are one of the lucky few that live in the delivery area then you're set. And as for Boyle Heights generally, it had better just look out cuz The Gays are coming. And we intend to gentrify your ass.

Portentous I know...

Oh sorry, before I leave some of you may already be in the know, but I just got whiff of this adorable clothing label that makes the most preciously expensive pieces. It's called SVSV or Serum Versus Venom. I'm always the last to know, but seriously. Cute cute cute shit. No jive. I've included a link to their online presence under the gear section or you can click here. You have to check in regularly cuz the shit sells out like that. Good luck.

I Was Considering The Alternative.

Yesterday was the LA Marathon and it succeeded in annoying me completely. Shut down the busses, and there were marathon runners everywhere in ugly shorts with stringy little sticks for legs. And they act like since they just finished running 26 miles you have to get out of their way. Like no. A marathon is having sex with 26 different men in 26 consecutive hours ala The White Party. Ambulatory motion is perhaps the most basic of human motor functions and doing it rapidly is in no way impressive to me. In fact when I see one of the sting legged pricks wearing a medal I just want to strike him with something.

Ann Coulter is such a peach. I'm sure you've all heard by now what Ann Coulter thinks of John Edwards, and I'm sure you find it about as interesting as anything else she has said. I for one think her comments were taken out of context as comments often can be. I for one hate it when things I say are taken out of context so allow me to be clear about this. I fucking hate marathon runners.

More interesting news has just come down about Morrissey's upcoming North American tour. Truetoyou.net reports:

All date and venue information for Morrissey's forthcoming U.S tour will be announced next week. The tour will begin in Stockton (California) on 27 April at the Bob Hope Theater. All tickets for all shows will be available on 17 March.

I think March 17th is Saint Patrick's Day or something. And I have no idea where Stockton California is, but I'm sure he'll play some more dates in Los Angeles. Once he completes his Los Angeles tour there will be 2 shows in New York and one in Miami.

And I was always skeptical about the whole Jesus myth about being crucified and then ascending into heaven and all. Not to mention all the other things involving walking on water and the like, but now it seems that the remains of Jesus Christ have been found under a condo somewhere. There is a slight chance that the remains aren't those of Jesus Christ and his prostitute wife, however, the odds that they aren't is so slim you wouldn't even take em in Vegas.

And finally, I am all over these allegations being made by Mohammed Al Fayed that his son Dodi and the late Princess Di were killed by British Intelligence at the behest of Prince Phillip. Scandalous. Needles to say Harrod's has lost its Royal Appointments. It's not a huge story in America, but I'm following it nonetheless. Click here for a brief article.

And I think that's all the news of the weekend that I think is fit to note. Britney tried to kill herself blah blah blah.

I'd Like It More On The Left.

Regular season baseball tickets went on sale yesterday and I hope you were all up early trying to buy tickets. I was able to get tickets for several Yankee games, but there was no love coming my way for Dodgers Opening Day. No love whatsoever. Found one ticket on ebay for $150, but no. It's the Dodgers for the love of God.

So I'm not in the country this weekend. I'm at work enjoying leftover pizza and diet coke. I've really enjoyed my weekend hangin around the DT. Walked around with Compadre yesterday and found another Taco Time that's actually open on the weekend. Also ran into a place that sells 10 dollar Wranglers. Fresh. Later I'm gonna head to Compadre's kitchen in Boyle Heights and help out with chores. Check out the link for Purgatory Pizza on the right under people. Frequently Fly Pizza for the Frequently Fly Customer.

There's actually a chance I might be moving to Boyle Heights for the duration of my work in Los Angeles. But before the Chamber of Commerce has a chance to cum all over my shoes I'm going to check it out today and see if it is actually appropriate for me. We'll let you know.

There Were Oceans Of Misunderstanding.

Alright. So I tried to ignore the horrid news of GeeBubYah being superimposed on a baseball card next to Derek. Fate would have it that it is the leading news story on yahoo. Has anyone else noticed how useless yahoo is? I have loafers that are more insightful. It really isn't as horrifying as the image of Derek shaking Ass Cheney's hand. Wicked evil. But I do want one of these cards, and I trust after having read this you are already hard at work on the task.

Spring training games started yesterday and MLBtv, which has all of my financial information and will apparently automatically renew my subscription in perpetuity, didn't stream the Yankees v. Twins game, and I'm yet to look at the scoreboard, but let's just face it, it doesn't really matter anyway. But I do want to watch all of the games if for nothing else a brief respite from these insufferable people.

And just so you know. Now that the spring training games have started and I can watch them everything else disappears. Yeah. I like said I was going to meet a few dozen people at the standard after work, but that's just not gonna happen. Although $18 cocktails are always tempting I have deeper needs. In fact, until the standard redecorates it's tired ass pop modern motif to something in pinstripes it, it's rooftop pool, and crumby overpriced cocktails can kiss my ass.

Speaking of overpriced shit that can kiss my ass. Bape has come out with, oh you guessed it, a chuck. No it isn't Comme des Garcons, and this isn't 2001. This is today and some power bottom hip hop wannabe gangstah thinks it's fly as they say if you pay upwards of 200 dollars for some played out crap. You can buy them here if you want. Cuz I know you may want to.




Mama has to scoot and get a breakfast burrito.

People Say I'm Unsympathetic.

It's not always easy having to constantly think the least of your fellow human beings, but when the good law enforcement officers of Boston (hot on the heels of their recent display of public safety brio) blow up a harmless traffic counter in the name of keeping America safe from terror I begin to think that we would all be better off if GeeDubYah just flew the country into the side of a brick wall. Over and over again.

Something else I'm not a big a fan of is needless chit chat and conversation. Just yesterday during lunch I was doing my best to enjoy my macrobiotic rice bowl in the staff dining room that I meticulously designed and constructed in an ill conceived attempt to keep smelly food in the dining area when coworker anonymous douche extraordinaire thinks of nothing else better to do than to speak to me. And did we discuss the work of Heironymous Bosch? Well no. In addition to violating my personal space, and various rules of etiquette, douche carbie set out to ask me an entire series of intrusive and altogether inappropriate questions. How are things going? Anything new? Where have you been? Why did you go to Seattle?

I swear to God it felt like I was being interrogated by a deranged bee.

To be honest, I'm finding it exhausting thinking of clever and polite ways of indicating to people that their existence is not welcome. More direct measures may be necessary.