Deteriorating Moments Of Lucidity.

Los Angeles is sincerely filled with some tragically town-apart people who simply can't get their shit together. A few days ago I was boarding the fancy Santa Monica bus to the Korea Town Metro station and standing there at the stop was a frail woman with a walker, shaking at the weight of the air enveloping her papery carcass sorta staring up at the sun or anyone that passed by on the street because anyone passing by automatically had 2 feet on her.

Now I have a preternatural sense for low-down gypsy-grifting nonsense and something deep down in my gypsy soul told me that this hag was no good, and it didn't take long to have my suspicions proven correct. 

As we were boarding she allowed someone to go in front of her, and I had every intention of allowing her to take all the time she needed to board the bus, and I thought that would be enough, but it wasn't. Just as I thought I was going to be boarding the bus she turned to me and shook her walker knowingly and asked,

'Would you help me?'

Would I what the fuck? I thought to myself. It is too goddamned early for this bullshit. I still don't know why I am still going across town for my haircut, and I know crazy shit like this follows me like stink on shit, but I do it all the same, and the Metro driver is really the one who needs to provide assistance in this instance, and there's no reason for me to come apart at the seams here.

'No.' I said flatly, and looked somewhere in the middle-distance.

'Nooooo.' the crone crowed in her most contrived whispery rasp, 'But your shirt says Nice?'

My shirt is Nicce, which is a London based streetwear brand and already this more broke-down than dirt bitch is getting more into my business than anyone should be comfortable doing and I just know a good strong scowl never works for people like this.

I say something about liability and the Metro service being happy to provide assistance, and she finds another trying-to-get-the-fuck-on-the-bus-sucker who hasn't gone to law school and hasn't taken any physical exercise in the last several years to help her and I just think this is the last person who should be helping anyone on the bus, but really I just seriously would like to get on the bus my own goddamned self so I just say nothing and let the dyna-duo get to it.

As I finally board the mother-fucking bus the desiccated hag has taken her seat and thanks the soft-headed doofus that helped her and she took the time to say 'No thank you' to me, her voice suddenly losing all the frailty it had when she was barely wielding her walker.

'SHOVE THE DRAMA GIRL!' I snarled back at her as I flounced past putting her and the rest of the bus back a few paces. Like I need any of this bullshit, and it is just one of numerous examples of the bullshit someone has to put up with if they even have a passing acquaintance with the Metro services in this town.

Fucking seriously.