Featuring The Moments You Resent.

So this morning was entirely wasted on a fuddled hysteria of tearing my apartment upside down and inside out looking for two lost socks. I had done laundry last night under the menacing specter of hand-written signs from building management warning that 'these machines could break down at any God-damned moment and that you used them at your own peril'. Well use them I did and I had thought I had really scored a solid, that was until I had two pair-less socks mocking me.

As it turns out I had just mismatched a pair in my delirium of putting laundry away in the wee-hours of 8:53 pm and it was the pair I had actually pulled out to wear this morning so obviously I didn't discover it the two times I ripped apart my sock drawer, flipped my mattress, picked up my sofa, unmade then remade my bed, retraced my steps in the interior hall so by the time I finally discovered the missing socks were sitting on my dresser the whole fucking time I could have just slapped the morning in the God-damned face. But I just hailed an Uber instead.

Yeah. This entire shit-show of whack was brought to me compliments of having to go working on a Saturday morning. Working on the weekend is entirely optional of course, but I am in make as much money and pay for my next six vacations as fast as I can mode and I'm not fucking around about it. I'm also probably moving. Again. Which is expensive. To the Westside.

That last part still shaketh me to my hipster foundations, but the clickety-claskety barge of shame to the Westside has really become just too unsafe space for my liking and lately Uber Pool is a straight up crap shoot. Yeah, occasionally you get some hot dude heading to LAX or away from their hangover or both, but this morning it was a woman so fat I could smell the mold in her fat pockets. I vomited six times in my mouth, and of course she giggled and muttered into her phone about being blessed someone saved something for her on YouTube. So I have actually now wanted to slap this morning in the face twice and it is just a quarter past too fucking early.