Tragedies You Only Read About.

So I don't really need another reason to despise lame-metro-schmuck festival Hackbird. And since I'm rarely if ever asked to travel back in time to star in a Sisters of Mercy video I've been content to let this unoriginal speck of retail gloom fester in its own wetland filth, however, this last weekend they thought they would try their unskilled hands at a promotion and it all just went terribly wrong. Going terribly wrong being an experience which I gather they are quite accustomed to, but one in which I am not. I was really drunk and got my senseless mind blinded by this promotion. I thought I'd order a jumper and have it shipped up North so it would be there waiting for me someday.

Well some 2 days after I placed my order I got this pathetic letter from them:

Hi,

As you may have heard (incidentally how in the fuck would I have heard? I don't subscribe to lame businesses tireless hyping themselves @ blogspot.suck), we're experiencing an unfortunate technical glitch with our website which has allowed people to purchase items that are no longer available. Unfortunately the lame piece of shit you ordered when you were blitzed is one of those items. We'll be refunding you for this item shortly, and creating a 20% coupon for you as a token of our apology. Thanks very much for your patience, we're very sorry for the inconvenience!

Best regards,

Leo

PS, to use your coupon, just enter wearelame20 into the couponcode field next time you check out from blackbirdballard.com

Which I read as:

Blah blah blah we suck at what we do blah blah, but we insist on trying anyway blah blah. There is no reason blah blah to be as pompous as we are, but it's a fucking blah blah backwater so we get away with it blah blah. You scored one of the few items we carry that doesn't redefine trendy fug and you were smart enough to do it at a discount blah blah.

Blah blah, but upon further reflection (which is actually quite hard for us) blah blah we decided we didn't want to sell it to you at a discount blah blah. Sooo, and this is where it gets really exciting for you, we made up this weak ass story to get out of it. Some metrosexual poseur stuck in a 2007 heritage mind-fuck was more than willing to pay full price for the item you would only think of buying with a discount and when you were really drunk. Like the time you bought DeVotchKa and Sigue Sigue Sputnik on iTunes. Remember that? So providence we were able to cancel your order and get a few more dollars from one of our tragic mess regular fugsters.

Here's a discount coupon so if you ever get blitzed out of your mind enough again to consider buying some of our tired ass streetwear no one is going to give a shit about in 3 years you'll be set.

Sincerely,

Ronald McDonald Looking Douchebag



Thanks Hackbird. In a funny way I think you may actually have my back. Now I can go spend that money at Fred Segal like a normal person. Oh, and Hackbird, die.