They probably thought you couldn't hear them.

Be clean! No Chocolates!

That is the new theme of this blog.

So I went to see Dead Man Chest last night, and I would be remiss if I did not point out some of the more obvious flaws in the film. The first thing to note is that I am by no means a harsh film critic. A film needs do very little to get my humble nod. I've said it before. I do not watch enough film to even call myself a casual critic. I do not even know who Akira Kurosawa is. But there were things about this film that simply can not not be ignored, and are simply beyond objective dispute.

First, Glendale is a wholly unbearable place. Replete with bullet bikes, leisure suits, nebulous hair, the unforgiving aroma of Elizabeth Arden, and cutters. Concession line cutters to be more accurate. Perhaps not an intrinsic flaw in the movie, but given the paucity of viewings in Silverlake I feel the distributor of this film should be held up to the same glare of criticism as the script editor. Bad bad bad. Second, I do not think that in an action adventure picture it is the comic relief that should stand out as a highlight let alone carry the entire weight of the piece. Yes. Someone obviously missed something here. Third, given how much this movie cost I feel it is unseemly to have so many of the visual effects smack of kitch. And lastly the ending stunk. Quite literally, it smelled as though someone had pulled the ending out of their ass right there on the spot. I mean someone in the theater.

Netflix has sent me Kung Fu Hussle, perhaps that will restore my faith in an "artform" that I no little about and care about even less.

Enough about me and my tawdry attempts to amuse myself, there are certain things that you should know:

Jarvis Cocker, former front-person for the band Pulp is working on his new album Warrior On The Edge Of Time. Already there is an exceptional new song that is simply the most. Give it a listen at his myspace area and I think you will agree.

Having lost all desirability in other markets, Burberry is taking its Dog and Pony show to the American heartland in hopes that it can incubate a new breed of heavy-set meat eating Burbots. Another reason to opt out of that Cleveland lay-over.

Contrary to conventional wisdom, hipsters resist change, and are slow to embrace anything that is fresh or interesting. It seems that our darlings in their asymmetric hair are loathe to part with their distressed jeans and graphic tees. Let me just give them one word of advice. The winds of fashion stop for no one, no matter how self-induced their poverty.1.

On a quite similar note. Your designer jeans are made in China. Priceless. Yes of course they may say "Made In Italy", but what they really mean to say is that they were "Distressed In Italy". The jeans proper are constructed in all manner of low wage factory and are later shipped to Italy so someone can work their five digit magic. And I imagine by a half-blind grandmother at that. For shame! Your misguided attempts at social consciousness once again foiled by the unrelenting reality that any attempt to embrace popular culture tacitly supports the subjugation of our fellow humans. I've already told you that True Religion is the new suck, but now it turns out that they are also evil to the core.

What do you do?

Buy vintage like me. Here's a little number I just picked up. Nothing screams I could honestly give a frack like vintage Benetton.



Lates Bitches.
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1. That is actually 14 words including one hyphenated word.