Throwing Vampires Accross The Ballroom Floor

Idol was a low rent bust. The boys just don't have it. There is one boy whose name escapes me who is delish, but Melissa tells me that he has like 2 wives, and 7 kids. What a waste. After Idol, I tried to vote for my two favorites, but I could not get through. I called Ricky, and my phone cut out, I called Melissa, and she was, in the name of all things holy, watching Lost. Another show which challenges my faith in human intelligence. [emphasis added] Which of course is not a dis on Melissa, who is adorable and watches Worlds Biggest Loser, Project Runway, Newlyweds, Family Makeover I & II, I'm Your New Mommy, Fear Factor, Blank Blue Screen, White Noise, and occasionally just the fuzz that accumulates in the corner of the screen.

During our phone call we got disconnected. I choose to say disconnected because it is entirely plausible that Melissa simply hung up once she got a gander of Matthew Fox's eyebrows. Don't let people lie to you it is the only thing interesting about the show. Architecturally stunning and hypnotic. It is very important for me to cling to the word disconnected while recounting all of this. I waited for about a half hour for her to call me back, but she didn't. She didn't. She didn't. She didn't.

Well this morning I brushed myself off and pulled myself together. I am wearing my Derek jersey, and as I was pulling it out I realized that I accidentally lied to my friend Ricky. All lies are accidental, and don't let anyone tell you differently. Ricky bought me the jersey for Christmas, and I absolutely love it. About a month ago he asked me why I hadn't worn it, and I told him I had, and that he was mistaken. As I put on the jersey I realized that the tags were still on, and since Ricky rummages through my closet like a pig chasing truffles I'm sure he knew I was lying. Oops.

Well, no harm no foul, because if I may say so this jersey is far from a casual garment. It is a weapon of wholesale sexual warfare. I look so motherfucking cute in this jersey I can't stand it. I am going to save this jersey for special occasions and special occasions only. Special occasion of the day. Doing my taxes.

Oh, and there is some office party at the Golden Gopher after work, but who gives a fuck. My two favorite people at work have decided not to go. BOO! The boys are going, but since they drag their sorry asses into the office at around half past noon, they won't show up until I'm settling into the OC. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Oh, some of you may be wondering about the title of today's post. It is a line from Jackie Dressed In Cobras from the New Pornographers. The line just tickles me. It is right up there with "I Have Explosive Kegs Between My Legs". Actually, no, it's not even close, but it still tickles me, and is a fun image.