Careful Not To Show Your Fangs.

I could have probably done any number of things this morning, but it seems that before I could do anything useful whatsoever I would in fact have to close down an entire construction site. Well, maybe not the entire construction site, but it would appear like a rather large section of it.

Walking south up the normal hazardous west side path on Avenue of the Stars trying to contact someone about the spaz on the bus who had just masturbated into his pants in front of me, I approach a tall, bulky and frustratingly Anthony Rizzo looking chap wearing an orange vest that is caressing a stop sign. As I approach he makes eye contact, which I always try to forgive, when I arrive he mutters something in broken field English.

‘What?’ I ask.

Again he mutters something containing English words in no particular order which in any way form anything approximating a sentence, but I appraise the situation. A crain, trying to hoist a pile of who knows what across the sidewalk and onto a lorry parked on the street with a good deal of more lorries littered about.

‘Fine. How long is it going to be?’ I ask, peering about furtively looking for an opportunity to strike.

He says something and I say ‘What?’

‘Two minutes.’

‘Two minutes?’ I ask disbelievingly, but hopefully in a manner not betraying my growing anxiousness.

‘Two minutes,’ he confirms, ‘you have to get over the bridge?’ He asks, referencing the sky bridge spanning Avenue of the Stars which I often use as a diversion after a particularly annoying exchange yet have no intention of using to circumnavigate this fuck knows what.

I see my chance, and I pounce, ‘No, like you I have to get work.’ I snap, and walk past him, and directly around the trucks. They have barricaded any traffic that would be foolish enough to move past the red light on Santa Monica so I know I am safe. He offers a feeble objection, but legally, they have no basis to obstruct pedestrian traffic so I emerge, as so often the case, satisfied. Just like that fucker on the bus who had the nerve to watch porn on his screen and pleasure himself in public. Right in front of fucking me because really can we even get through a single week this year without something completely shit faced bonkers happening? 

And I ask out of purely academic interest.