Watch Them Breach And Fall.

I'm trying to channel all the paralyzing rage I'm presently feeling towards UPS into something positive, but it's all a bit trying. And the worst part is that I always know what I'm getting when I pay for these clowns to deliver something and I always do it anyway. Moving an item from point "A" to point "B" is one of the earliest skills humans develop, yet as a business plan for UPS the simplest of ideas and even motor functions proves baffling. Even impossible.

Don't ring manager because I mean really why? Denote "signature required by sender" when you know you're the sender and this "statement" is bullshit. Call and am given four options/buttons to push none of which are satisfying so press "0" and hold. Speak to some smug dude with African American accent who places me on hold again. Call again and speak to breathless and easy to please housewife with mildly midwestern accent. Apologizes profusely. Says extraneous things, but forwards message on after placing on hold for several more minutes. Collapse in exhaustion. Wake up with message saying UPS will be attempting another delivery in 10 minutes. Look at the time and note that this was hours ago. FML.

This is the face of American business and innovation. Unable to do something so simple yet able to provide an up to 25 digit code which allows you to monitor online in frustrating agony the colossal failure that is a metaphor for the collapse of American industry. I mean only yesterday it was all about the recession being over with all this new cash to spend, but today it's more about collapse of empire when the simplest of aspirations proves unreachable. When the last thing anyone wants to do with their money is give it to a sad excuse dysfunctional American "business".

Few thought the decline would happen so rapidly. There would be a time to adjust to changed circumstances. Adapt. That is after all what learning annexes are for is it not? And I'm not being smug. I'll freely admit to being hopeless and sometimes in awe that anyone will pay me anything to do anything. The Percolator in the morning taxes me for heaven's sake. So I never in my life ever felt entitled to a "career" or a "job" yet I'm surprised that so many Americans feel entitled to a livelihood, uniquely tailored to their minor and idiosyncratic skill set. Like driving oversized trucks in densely populated urban areas taping things with infuriating instructions to doors. And such "non-jobs" must be generated by the Government by golly, or I'm just going to have a fit and throw this tea somewhere.

Oh did I not mention I was trying to have some tea delivered by UPS? Yeah. Somehow the irony isn't helping.