I never promised you a pussycat.

Derek has no patience for this crap. And I really can't blame him. Here I was worried about how and where I was going to begin my day/blog, and all of a what for I upload a picture of Derek and low and behold instant clarity.

I think we left off with pet peeves. My third worst pet peeve is something I like to call Management Speak. You have all heard it. Anyone who has spoken to anyone in human resources, or god forbid if you actually paid to get an MBA then you paid far too much to learn to speak the language and incidentally you received nothing else of value.

Phrases like "goal oriented", "work-through", "white paper", "results oriented" clutter the minds of office workers that have very little else on their minds. I remember one day I really let this attorney have it. Spent $200 for a CLE1 I did, and the entire hour was filled with this kind of gibberish. At the end of the lecture I asked her about her pet terms and her cool hip lingo. I asked her what she honestly thought these phrases meant. Her answers were as couched in vagueness as I imagine her sex life is. Meaningless blather for meaningless people.

Speaking of administrative nightmares I went to Amoeba Records on Saturday. All I wanted was the new Pet Shop Boys CD and did they have it? Fuck No. Why bother with the new Pet Shop Boys when there is something called Be Your Own Pet. I bought Be Your Own Pet. Maybe someday I will discuss the merits of BYOP (get it), but it honestly isn't that important to me. I fucking can't stand the Ross Dress For Less of record stores that is Amoeba, but luckily since I have just completed my collection of Star Trek Voyager DVDs I will never ever have to enter their dark halls, or be subjected to their draconian bag check policy again. Success my Lord !!!

You may be wondering about the totally to the wall mad frack Derek pictures that appear on the top of my blog. There is nothing mad frack about it. You simply don't get it. It's my thing and you should get your own thing. Me me me.

The game yesterday was a little, well, it is hard to say. Quiche Loraine is what I ate during the game, and my Derek showed a great deal of hustle. Batting a single, stealing second, then stealing third, and then left holding his wang at the top of the first. He later batted a double, stole third, and scored a run on a sacrifice fly.

I know all of the players try hard and are really good in their own right, but that is just an expression. It's not really true. When you watch a bunch of players on the field along side Derek you are struck as to how none of them have a single Watt burning upstairs. Derek puts them all to shame. Wait. Melky Cabrerra is one hell of a fielder, and more importantly he is very very attractive. A worthy addition to the Yankee line-up. And ARod is just precious. Jonny Damon is useless, but precious. Bernie is dreamy. Robinson Cano is two kinds of sexy. Alright I love all of them except Randy Johnson. He is free to leave at anytime. I'll get the check.

After something called a walk-off homer in the bottom of the ninth left me screaming at my television I decided to get my hair did. Worst hair did ever. After work I am going back to the Salon and I am not going to leave until two people are crying and someone calls the police.

___________________________________________________________________

1. CLE is really stupid, It's an acronym for Continuing Legal Education. Just typing those words made me too bored to explain.