Their Ego Has Been Designed To Consume You.

"I really like the ass clown who decides to ride his bike the four blocks to the train station and then flounces himself down on the bench as though he just ran a marathon."

"Really?"

"No sweetie. We talked about it. It's the sarcasm. Lowest form of wit? You remember."

"I think."

"You're an inspiration."

"Riding your bike to work is so much better for the environment."

"Better than what?"

"Huh?"

"What would Kant say?"

"Stop."

"Isn't it kinda more like fucking without a condom?"

"What?"

"It sorta sounds cool, maybe feels cool, but don't you think if everyone woke up one day and decided to do it things might get, I don't know, just a little tricky? Possibly?"

"Oh."

"I mean is there actually enough room on the train for everyone to bring their toys to work? Were the roads designed to accomodate that many spastic cyclists with no concept of other organisms? Could we all strap our bikes to the front of the bus or would it probably just descent into a scene from the Thunderdome?"

"Fuck. Tina Turner?"

"Don't fuck with it. Oh I got it. We could just defer to the biker with the most elaborate headdress."

"Dude. Das racist."

"Whatever. I'm over it, and seriously dude?"

"What?"

"Rick Owens?"

"What? It's sharp isn't it?"

"Get fucking crucial."